Prenuptial Ponderer Gifts

'Oh darling, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! But please do not impute or infer any intentions from that comment.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that a couple got through a whole prenup process without a single fight.'

DIVORCE COURT, 'Well, I finally found out what women really want - money.'

"You want a prenuptial agreement? But honey. . . Don't you tryst me?"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"She signed a prenup promising not to eat me and then ate the lawyer."

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'I say we try it.'

It'll never work - you're LED and I'm plasma.

"I can only give you country walks in springtime and a hand to hold when leaves begin to fall. It's in the prenuptial agreement. Check it out."

"I'll have dessert first."

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

Happy Mothers Day

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Fortune teller sees impending doom

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."