Prenuptial Ponderer Gifts

'Oh darling, I want to spend the rest of my life with you! But please do not impute or infer any intentions from that comment.'

'Hell's freezing over. The only thing I can figure is that a couple got through a whole prenup process without a single fight.'

DIVORCE COURT, 'Well, I finally found out what women really want - money.'

"You want a prenuptial agreement? But honey. . . Don't you tryst me?"

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Sometimes Peter I wish it would just stay as water."

"Does anyone know where we keep the unwritten rules?"

'He's the best sheepdog I ever had.'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

"See what you get for thinking outside the fishbowl!"

Uterus: One size fits all.

"She signed a prenup promising not to eat me and then ate the lawyer."

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

"I'll have dessert first."

'I say we try it.'

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'We're the Meeks and we're here to see about our inheritance of the Earth.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'You have to do something...My husband just doesn't look at me the way he used to.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

The sad case of the blind-men and the elephant.

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'I love your poetry, m'dear - it's very Ezra Poundish.'

'He's always looking for an argument!'

Happy Mothers Day

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"We're studying the legal principles of 'crossing a heart and hoping to die'."

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

Why not get God's fax number, and just fax him my prayer?

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

The End is Near.

"NO I DON'T THINK YOU NEED LEGAL REPRESENTATION WHEN SAYING YOUR PRAYERS."