Prenatal Ponderer Gifts

A baby marks time on the walls of the uterus.

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

"Were we expecting a baby?"

Waiting for Pants

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Mom says she has a souffl

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

"I'll have dessert first."

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

"It is just as the Oracle foretold!"

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

'I say we try it.'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

'Congratulations, you've got the job. Unfortunately though, you'll be constantly late, and we'll fire you in two months.'

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'Are you sure we should do all this praying on Sunday? -- I thought it was God's day off.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'You'll be going on a long journey this Christmas.'

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

God answers what He thought were worldwide prayers for peas.

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'The hardest part of being a street crazy is picking each day's sign.'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."