Preschool Ponderer Gifts

"Charles — we missed you at playgroup."

"Frankly, now that he's an obnoxious teenager, I find it more and more difficult to muster the urge to protect him..."

"They must be grown-up ducks, because they're eating the crusts too."

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'When do they learn to stand upright?'

"Of course you can't put your finger on it. It's a hypothetical particle."

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

Sex Education

'In this next precedent, an attorney lost his frivolous lawsuit complaint and his opponent then filed a frivolous 'frivolous lawsuit' lawsuit.'

Time, Temp, Today's Neutrino Mass

"Seventy-seven. How about yours."

"It's quiet in here. I suppose it's off the popular tourist route!"

Are you aware? The Higgs Boson was thought to exist even through no one had seen it!

'Have you found a precedent? Yes, you did the same crime in 1974.'

'My kids don't understand me.'

You've got to help me, Em. Sure. My mom's hot on this strict, Chinese-style parenting. Welcome to my world. Tell her that your parents aren't pushing you to be a doctor. Sure. They gave up on that. They'll settle for Harvard law school. That's too much information.

'He was raised by sparrows!'

'What a coincidence....that's my mum's name to!'

Are these sessions as soul-deadening for you as they are for me, doctor? Let's not have a contest, Al. Or, if we do, no wagering.

"I don't get this whole age thing...I waited all year to turn nine, but now I don't feel any older!"

"Do I have to declare this as income to the IRS?"

The mysterious world of ligand substitution

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

Are we going to raise her as a cat person or a dog person?

Dr. McPhee discovers the Embarrassment Particle.

"Take a few minutes to introduce yourself, Ms. Berry. Not that they don't already have you pegged."

"Is it wrong to be evasive and not answer questions?"

"What's it like to be the parent of a nonhuman?"

'If we're seedless watermelons, where did I come from?'

'Looks like Timmy got solitary.'

"Naughty? Nice? It's a bit more nuanced than that..."

'The mind-body problem is best expressed in the formulation...OOf!'

Ingredients: me

"Hello! - Have you ever thought about changing your energy supplier..?"