Gestation Ponderers Gifts

"Great! I must be growing. The womb was less than half full last week."

"No wonder babies are born screaming. I haven't had a wink of sleep since the exit light came on!"

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

"You got the dolls yesterday? My mom says I took nine months!"

"I hear you may do a baby."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

Uterus: One size fits all.

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

Sex Education

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

'I've had some strange cravings during my pregnancy. Such as the one to strangle my husband.'

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

"I'm your surrogate mother, son. I just provided the oven."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

Bumper Limos

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

Happy Mothers Day

'If Aunt Arctica is on the bottom of the world, does that mean Uncle Artica is on top of the world?'

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

'I guess I wasn't thinking. I bought a return ticket.'

"May I say, sir, the staff and I just knew you'd see through that Beaujolais."

"... and they never write or visit!"