Maturity Ponderer Gifts

'You are daydreaming all the time. When are you going to mature?'

"Were we expecting a baby?"

"Sorry, that was just the wet diaper talking."

'And when your mother said that you would never be an Olympic gymnast, how did that make you feel?'

"I don't know why I worry...Baldo's just a normal boy. It's good to see him maturing...making friends...with nice girls...exploring new feelings...and desires.... You have to go home now."

Totalitarian Humour

"Hello - I'm from the future..."

'Hey Mum, look what I caught!'

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Mom says she has a souffl

'Soon, you will start to notice changes in your body... massive, horrifying changes.'

'You're due in September, however, since you're not mentally ready, let's make it October!'

"Really? After all these years of you begging me to let you come and howl at the moon, now that you're a teenager, it's not cool to be seen with your dad!"

NOT COVID-RELATED tombstone

"I needed a gig to tide me over between baby booms."

Sex Education

"Weeds are like kids. They grow up so fast."

'Male, 38, still living with his parents. They asked us to keep him overnight, so they could change the locks.'

Truth

'WOW, congratulations, Ma'am! You're having Quads!'

'Ted, you won't climb the corporate ladder if you keep taking paternity leave!'

'Well, great! I raise you to be a vicious bird of prey, and you wanna be a songbird!'

"The fact that you're here means you will continue to make poor life decisions."

'When are you going to take it out of its original package?'

"it's just... we're too lazy to have any of our own."

"You'll find they stay pretty needy 'til about 300 months."

"I'm basically happy but I'd like a most cost-effective personality."

"Forget the future, tell me what happened to the past ten years."

Children.

"I was hoping you'd have outgrown that by now."

'Do you ever wonder about this whole 'money' thing?'

"Math would have been a 'A' if you factor in the fudge factor. I got caught fudging on the final."

Bowther, Wilkin, Lynch & Fisk

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

'Hello, my name is Death'