Midlife Ponderers Gifts

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'I tell ya Frank, if we find one of these babies big enough, we could live forever!'

"I just don't know what to do with myself in that long stretch after college but before social security."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'