Midlife Philosophers Gifts

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"You used to be that ambitious."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Balding Autumn Tree.

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

Mall of ages

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"Seventy-five isn't the new anything."

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"I don't feel ready to commit to a cacoon, either, but do you ever worry we'll wake up one day and be forty and still caterpillars?"

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'