Midlife Musers Gifts

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"I think it's a library - you know, that place for middle-aged men to look at p********y."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

The Evolution Of Man.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Actually, I'm pretty sure aging naturally and aging gracefully are mutually exclusive."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Sweet dreams buddy!'

Insomnia.

Short on top, medium on the sides, and not bald in back.

"Warren's too cautious to cure his mid-life crisis with a motorcycle, so he's rebelling by driving shirtless."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'In denial and loving it!'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

'Is this really where we wanted to be at this stage of our lives?'

"Don't patronize me. Nobody cares what I think anymore. Go ask Dr. Phil."

"Sometimes, on a day like this, I can just catch the faintest smell of youth."

Same Sexless Marriage