Midlife Wanderer Gifts

I think I came right of my midlife crisis and smacked right into my second childhood!

Middle Age: When you still believe you'll feel better in the morning!

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Menopause and the City

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

'I need my lifestyle validated.'

Parkour for the over-40s.

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'