Midlife Adventure Gifts

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

"What do you want to be when you give up?"