Midlife Adventure Gifts

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Lawrence of Suburbia

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

"It's official, Michael has filed for moral bankruptcy."

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

Parkour for the over-40s.

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

"I can't tell if I feel tired because I'm older, or I feel older because I'm tired."

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

How's your midlife crisis going, Al? That turned out to be a false alarm, doctor. Today after a heavy lunch I realized it's just a midriff crisis.

"The combover works even less now that you're using your back hair."

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."