Mid-life Adventurer Gifts

Lawrence of Suburbia

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Mike was definitely having a mid-wife crisis.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'My car didn't start this morning.'

'Regarding your skateboarding accident: I need a note from your wife as to why you did something so stupid.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

Parkour for the over-40s.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

Secrets of Adulthood.

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'