Mid-life Adventurer Gifts

Lawrence of Suburbia

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

Mike was definitely having a mid-wife crisis.

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'My car didn't start this morning.'

'Regarding your skateboarding accident: I need a note from your wife as to why you did something so stupid.'

Grad School Parent-Teacher Conference

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"In my life, I've had seven cars, six jobs, five houses, four bypass operations, and three wives!"

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Yeah, you could say I've got mother issues....she told me I have to move out!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'When I turned 18 something started happening to me every month. I started receiving a credit card bill.'

"My husband's the academic. I just like to travel. I'm more of a pandemic."

"All I ask is a chance to ruin my life in my own way."

'Our tabby was pre-approved for a credit card!'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Alarmingly, after five minutes the pool had come no closer."

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Secrets of Adulthood.

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

'In denial and loving it!'

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"