Midlife Exploration Gifts

"Believe me, I've lost more than my mittens."

"Your contents have shifted."

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'