Mid-life Exploration Gifts

'He's going through a phase of wanting to be a grape again.'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

ZZZZZZZ Top

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'Where Are They Now?'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

'I appreciate the fact that your husband likes my bike, but can you tell him to quit drooling all over it?'

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "