Midlife Wanderlust Gifts

"I need to leave you and the children and go to Tahiti if I'm ever going to be a truly great accountant."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"I'm pretty sure the middle-aged upper-arm jiggle is the one thing there's not a niche market for."

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

"Aren't you going to ask me if I've forgotten anything?"

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Don't know what's wrong with it. Just doesn't seem to attract women anymore.'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

'FYI, Stevens, nobody likes a middle-aged slacker.'

'Why couldn't your father have a normal midlife crisis, buy a convertible, or even have an affair with some young bimbo?'

Male Mid-Life Myth--The Hair Fairy

Men-O-Pause Emergency Kit, contents include an inflatable trophy wife, bottle of Boca-Raw-Tan and a convincing hairpiece

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"I signed up for 'Dressage Without the Horse.'"

"What do you want to be when you give up?"

'I've decided to stay in bed till lunchtime to see if I feel like a teenager again.'

"Please tell me you're not going dapper in your old age."

"Imagine yourself: driving up the coast, the top down, tears streaming down your face because your wife had no choice but to kick you out, this time for good."

J.P. Dogsbody

"An olive or a twist?"

"$100 for speeding and $250 for misleading the public."

'Come home to your family, Harold. You are ruining the Chippendale's.'