Midlife Voyagers Gifts

'I think we've reached that awkward age where we're too old to run away and join the circus and too young to run away and join AARP.'

Mister Mid-Life Crisis

"Your contents have shifted."

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

Speedo Limit: 21 Years

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Menopause and the City

"What would you suggest to fill the dark, empty spaces in my soul?"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

'It makes you look fifty years younger.'

Altar Ego

"The one day we decided 'To hell with hair!' "

Clair regretted having her husband sit in while her doctor described possible side effects of menopause.

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"Don't kid yourself. Harold, you're no spring chicken!"

Lawrence of Suburbia

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

He comes by sometimes to tell me he quit my job, bought a convertible and is going to open a brewpub. Midlife crisis actor.

I'm 40! Oh. Well happy birthday. A lot of people wouldn't be happy about turning 40. But I'm thrilled! I've been looking forward to my midlife crisis for a long time. I've got it all planned. First I'm going to buy a sports car. Then I'm going to leave my family for someone half my age who really GETS me. Then we're going to embark on a road trip filled with booze, shoplifting and debauchery. Anyway, what's your most dangerous drink? I want something that says "I'm letting the tiger in me out to

'Dad, what were you like when you weren't a kid?'

Parkour for the over-40s.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

"Well, did you get motorcycle riding out of your system?"

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'In denial and loving it!'

'My husband is one of those born again bikers.'

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."