Middle-age Muses Gifts

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Their bookshelves look more convincingly read from than ours."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Classic Movie Remakes (for people your age)

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

"Norman still has seventies flashbacks sometimes."

"Oh, that's my cousin. I'm the Bluebird of Mid-Life Existential Despair!"

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'Dang.'

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

Internal Clock

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

"You're not losing your hair Dad, it's right here in your comb."

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

"Sigh...I'm getting old."

The Fountain of Menopause

Live: Middle Aged Men

'He used to live in the fast lane, it's more like a blind alley now.'