Exploring Middle Age Gifts

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'It's my biological clock.'

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

Internal Clock

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

"Sigh...I'm getting old."

"Ah! Here it is!"

'She says she's 40 but she's forgotten to add on the V.A.T.!'

"You could call it cilia. I prefer to think of it as designer stubble."

"I'd like to have money for a sports car, a surf course in the Maldives, and for my divorce!"

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."