Exploring Middle Age Gifts

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

'Yeah, I hate change, too.'

'It's my biological clock.'

"Right now, I'm between naps."

Internal Clock

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

Middle age means a constant struggle not to be irritated by everyone and everything.

"I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. I told them to pipe down."

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

Ears and Nostril Shampoo.

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

"Sigh...I'm getting old."

"Ah! Here it is!"

'She says she's 40 but she's forgotten to add on the V.A.T.!'

"You could call it cilia. I prefer to think of it as designer stubble."

"On the other hand, if I die next week this isn't a midlife crisis."

"I'd like to have money for a sports car, a surf course in the Maldives, and for my divorce!"