Entering Middle Age Gifts

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

Breast Height Chart

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"The cape comes off too."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

David Blaine, Age 60

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

A la recherche des cheveux perdus.

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

'It's my biological clock.'

Over the Hill Birthday Cards

Hot flashes

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

Life begins at 60

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

'Ecce homo!'