Navigating Midlife Gifts

Four years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ Show, our resident octogenarian asked listeners for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Dear Sadie, I was going to suggest you start a YouTube channel to share your advice with younger people. But YouTube just stabbed its content creators in the back. They stopped showing ads on videos discussing anything even remotely controversial. That's going to put so many important voices out of business. So I don't really have an

"Your contents have shifted."

Middle-aged guy spots an available convertible. The mating ritual begins.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

'Unfortunately, there's no cure. It's called growing older.'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"Fill'er up with testosterone."

'After the age of fifty the 'c' word always means colonoscopy.'

Middle Age: When an 'All Nighter' means you didn't have to get up to pee!

Three years ago during a special episode of the Ask Sadie™ show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she could deal with her midlife crisis. You should try a radical makeover. When I hit midlife, I dyed my hair, got some tattoos, and dropped 75 pounds. My husband barely recognized me when he returned from overseas. He was not happy with my "new self," so I divorced him rather than change who I'd become. It was the best decision I'd made since I cut my thieving mother out

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

'It's my biological clock.'

Middle Age - The Magazine For You - Yeah, You!

Strange Aftertaste birthday cards.

"I used to be innocent. Then I was naive. Now I'm just dumb."

A sign hangs from the front of the Sunnyvale Nudist Camp - 'Join Today - 100% Off!'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

Stuff nervous little dogs yap about.

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"