Middle-aged Adults Gifts

Safari Clothes: "For People Who Aren't Going Anywhere"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"The cape comes off too."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Do you think we're a storybook romance transformed into a textbook case?"

'She's left herself go: She has barnacles everywhere now...'

Hot flashes

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

'It's my biological clock.'

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

"He hit the big 60 today, and now he's just drooping around the house, convinced that he can hear his arteries hardening."

'Ecce homo!'

'Take ten years off the top.'

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

Sale. We need something that will meet our growing backsides.

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

'You know you're 40 when...'

"Armand, which summer did we become chair people?"

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's net weight when they're trying to catch you. After a few years it then becomes gross weight.'

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

'Look, can't you take it in turns to do the daily Sudoku?'