Middle Age Gifts

The Sandwich Generation.

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"You haven't lost hair, hon. You've just reassigned it."

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

"Shhh! Minoxidil!"

"I've just realized that the hair growing out of your ears equals the amount that's receded from your head."

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"I can't get through a hibernation anymore without getting up every other week to pee."

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

"Sigh...I'm getting old."

'I don't understand how a cast iron stomach can expand so much.'

'Harry got the impression his Viagra wasn't working properly.'

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

The 'Mystery Pain 'game

Breast Height Chart

Sadie, I just heard something disturbing, and I think you're the only one who can tell me whether it's true. Youtube is telling me we've lived 300 years of phantom time. Pope Gregory XIII's math was off when he created our calendar, and this is actually the year 1717. What's more, the "Middle Ages" is just a fiction the pope created to explain his rounding error. You were there, Sadie ... Did King Arthur really exist? I'll tell you all about that nice boy, as soon as I demonstrate how we dealt w

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"The cape comes off too."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"In your 40s, hair starts growing everywhere except where it should."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

'It's my biological clock.'

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

Hot flashes

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Right now, I'm between naps."

'Someone told him life begins at forty. Now he's reserving his energies!'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

Internal Clock

'Take ten years off the top.'