Middle Age Realization Gifts

"Really, forty-two? I don't believe it!"

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Let's face it,Rhoda-you're no spring chicken yourself!"

'It's my biological clock.'

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

'I hate it when teen angst becomes mid-age angst.'

'Ecce homo!'

'I used to live for the moment, but now I'm comfortable waiting 3 to 5 business days.'

"I put my pants on the same as every other middle-aged person—in constant fear that the button will pop off under pressure."

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

"Face it, darling - you've reached that 'funny age...'"

'How come they're making size 16 smaller these days?'

'Take ten years off the top.'

'Jason and I are absolutely incompatible. We're both going through the menopause.'

"When you talked me into eternal life, you left out the part about menopause."

'It's net weight when they're trying to catch you. After a few years it then becomes gross weight.'

"Give her a few minutes, she just realized she's reached the age when you get excited by things like air fryers."

"Say, Flo, did you make an appointment with a lifestyle counselor?"

"I've got about 3 more inches before I'm willing to get reading glasses."

'I think my body's trying to tell me I'm overweight. This morning I found 'Space For Rent' signs on my hips.'

"For your birthday this year I thought we'd have a pinata."

'You look younger...are you colouring your hair?'

"No, actually. 40 is the new 60."

You know you're getting older when there are more candles on your cake than calories in it!

"Ah! Here it is!"