Middle Age Realist Gifts

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Retirement Issues

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

'A cocoon? Boy, he is having a mid-life crisis!'

Japanese disaster

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'I retired from work but housework has not retired from me.'

Dad Socks / Dad Sex

'No batteries needed, but you have to be menopausal to make them work.'