Middle Age Realist Pillows

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"Honestly, Paula, I don't know what I'd do without our daily keggers."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's time we discuss menopause and climax change."

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

'Hi, I'm middle-age and I'll be hanging around a while.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Retirement Issues

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"You're looking for 'Sex After Fifty'? That's in the 'fiction' department."

Hot flashes

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"What's happening to us, Bob? We used to be so issue-oriented."

Luke Warm & Over E-Z: The World's Blandest Rappers.

'You know you're 40 when...'

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

"Good news, we found a plant the cured baldness."

'A cocoon? Boy, he is having a mid-life crisis!'

"Mommy will be staying with us for awhile."

'I retired from work but housework has not retired from me.'

'Why don't you look like Jennifer Aniston, you're the same age.'

Japanese disaster

Dad Socks / Dad Sex