Middle-age Philosopher Pillows

"Remember when we used to feel sorry for people our age?"

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

"He's got no clue how easy he has it compared to his ancestors."

The Googler

Screen Time vs Book Time

"I cancelled the cable, turned off the phone, shut down the internet. . . where the hell am I??"

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

'Can I download that as a PDF?'

"I've always wanted an empire of Distance Learning Campuses."

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

'Meditation centre' 'Coffee, Tea, Enlightment, Refreshments'

"I'm here for the hair."

"If you're trying to find yourself, Mr. Ludlow, just ping your phone."

Saguaro Cactus Regrets.

'I'd go back if I were you.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"Is there a way to disable Narcissus' self-view?"

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Don't think of this birthday as you're getting older. Think of it as being one day closer to irritable bowel syndrome."

Like.

"Remember, it's Boy, Girl, LGBT, Boy, Girl, LG . . ."

'We have to move - they're putting in a cell phone tower up here.'

"The internet without cat pictures? No way! Make a realistic wish like peace on earth, justice for all, everlasting life, sane politicians..."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I used to know my wife's fondest dreams and desires, but now I leave that to Google."

"I know I'm going to get older - but how much?"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"The meaning of life, eh? Beats me... Let's google it."

"If the headline screams catastrophe, but nobody cares to read it, does it still make a sound?"