Middle-of-the-night Philosopher Pillows

'Does this bed have a sleep number?'

"Why is it always me that has to get up just as I'm falling asleep to do things I forgot."

Sally woke up with a headache. This house didn't look familiar. There was a rug burn on her forehead. Three good reasons to quit drinking.

'It's midnight, do you know where your brain is?'

"The overthinker"

'That reminds me of the blind date I had last weekend!'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"Well did he?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"Think about the honey."

"Let's go to sleep so that when we wake up today will be tomorrow."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

'Mummy, can you please pull the curtain and make it dark please? I'm scared of the light...'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'So, ten thousand pounds could be yours if you call in and answer this question...Why the hell aren't you in bed?!'

'I ask myself-do I really want to sleep on the edge of the bed again?'

"I suppose you're wondering why I've summoned you here at 3 AM, minion." "I try not to wonder." "After crunching the numbers, I've determined we'd increase profits by being open 24/7." "We're in the suburbs. Everyone's asleep." "Not true. By being closed at 3 AM, we're missing out on the potentially-lucrative Igor the Wino clientele." "Go to the alley and give Igor a 1-for-the-price-of-2 coupon." "Very bad man."

"Honey, wake up. I had that dream again where I wake up and you get angry at me for waking you up."

"Birth, bed, bath, beer, bankruptcy, bifocals, balding and beyond."

Everything opens up as a new day begins.

"Someday, son, a giant conglomerate will find a way to harness the moonlight and make us pay for it."

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"How do you know if you're really in love, Randy?"

"I also have trouble sleeping. I don't understand why. No one I talk to seems to have any trouble falling asleep."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

Expired, expired, expired, expired, expired, expired.

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

That's a street lamp, Steve.

"You could always make me laugh but you didn't."

Tomorrow's another day, he thought, unless I get lucky and sleep right through it.

Thoughts of Stephen Harper...

What are you doing up, mom? Big meeting tomorrow. Must be prepared. It's one a.m.! Go to bed, young lady. You need your sleep. It must be late. I heard my voice coming out of your mouth. Scary!

'I don't need that exercise stuff -- I cross the pain threshold just getting out of bed in the morning.'