Realist Retirees Gifts

"I agree, the place was a tear-down, but I just remembered we were only renting it."

"I am not a workaholic. I just work to relax."

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

"Just sitting here widening. You?"

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'

"Based on the economy and your rate of savings, I've updated your retirement projections."

"I keep my savings under my mattress. It's the only way I'll ever be able to retire on my money."

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

'When did the world get into such a big hurry?'

"As a Baby Boomer, I never thought the boom would be the sound of my retirement accounts collapsing."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."