Realist Gifts

'You'll start out here earning next to nothing, but with diligence and hard work you can double or even triple that.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

Then vs. now

"Old MacDonald had a farm"

"As a Senior Citizen applying for this job, where do YOU see yourself in 5 years?"

"Where do you see yourself ten year from now?"

'One thing about being chronically unemployed -- we're safe from work-related injuries.'

'The worst part is, we've never had it so good.'

'Yeah, I couldn't make a lousy cent for days and I don't care about it! Got me, dude?'

'I'll be putting in a lot more hours at work since I lost my home.'

'The bad news is the price of gas is going up. The good news is since I lost my job I've got nowhere to go anyway.'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Tired Barbie

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'