The Realist Gifts

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"When I told my dad I can't wait to get out into the real world he just stared at me with the strangest expression."

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

Tired Barbie

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

New from Low-Key Press.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"The company only made a profit of $2 billion. So that raise you requested will have to wait."

Inbox and Outbox

"I can be perfect for only one hour a day."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."