Realist At Heart Gifts

"I suffer from accurate self-esteem."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Now at this point reality intruded."

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Rural Cityscape

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

Expectations vs. Bitterness

"That's my survival kit. It has a meditation tape, aspirin and rose-coloured glasses."

"It's no good, Martin, it's still in the room."

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

Gustave Courbet

'Love gets the credit, but money makes the world go 'round.'

Japanese disaster