Realism Advocate Gifts

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"It's just that I'm more of a 'fade, weep, disengage' kind of person."

"I was an incurable romantic until I met Martha's divorce lawyer."

"...as if a mine run by seven dwarves could be economically viable!"

'Love gets the credit, but money makes the world go 'round.'

"That's Terri and Kip. . . our Imaginators. And over here is Al. He's our Get-real-inator."

"Sorry to report your labs came back positive. There's no reason you can't continue your pessimistic lifestyle, though."

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

Pinocchio's Second Realization

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Tired Barbie

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

"Say, why don't we go see the Hopper show at the Whitney?"

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

Inbox and Outbox

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I'm going to have to let you go.'