Realism Appreciator Gifts

New from Low-Key Press.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"Don't cry for me, Argentina."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

Tired Barbie

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Of course I'm aware of reality! I mean, we met in St. Thomas, got engaged in Austria, announced it in London and now we're getting married in the Flatbush Jewish Center!"

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Being vegan or vegetarian isn't enough anymore. From now on I will only cook stuff I stepped in on the sidewalk."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Today I am trying to grow a bit of beard...

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

"Say, why don't we go see the Hopper show at the Whitney?"

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

Inbox and Outbox

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

'I'm going to have to let you go.'

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

Painting the Sistine Chapel. 1508. 1509. 1510. 1511. 1512. It looks great, Michelangelo, but there's one thing I don't understand. Why didn't you just paint it in the regular way and then mount it on the ceiling?

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

Gustave Flaubert

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

Expectations vs. Bitterness