Realism Realist Gifts

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

"Could you go back to the front desk? The receptionist has some forms for you to fill out."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

'On your marks. Get set. Go!' - 'Come on! Keep going! You can do it!' - 'Yay! You're 8 hours closer to the grave!' - 'Oh, God.'

Tired Barbie

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

New from Low-Key Press.

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Platitudes for the hopelessly realistic. When life gives you lemons, get a gift receipt.

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."

Inbox and Outbox

"Today, in all aspects of life losses outnumbered gains."

'Satchel, life is like a can of tuna...'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"A glimmer of hope is fine, Hendricks, but anything more than that will lead to massive disappointment."

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

Warning Being Alive On This Planet May Cause Cancer

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

Proverbs for Real Life. When one door closes it's probably locked and your key is on the other side.

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

"Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be worse..." "Could be... oh, never mind."

Expectations vs. Bitterness

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"