Realism Gifts

'I feel better today too, but around here I've learned not to be too optimistic.'

New from Low-Key Press.

'No fortune cookies please - I don't want to get my hopes up.'

"I see fleeting moments of happiness in between extended periods of boredom and stress."

"Let's be realistic. Are we all going to try to keep this party afloat, or should we just go home and forget it?"

Tired Barbie

'Now stay tuned for 'Hope - Myth or Reality', to be followed by 'Reality - Hope or Myth'.'

'Because I CAN'T follow my dreams, dummy!'

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

"Oh well - same shit, different day. . .!"

"Where do you see yourself in five years?"

'Love gets the credit, but money makes the world go 'round.'

"...as if a mine run by seven dwarves could be economically viable!"

'Can we dispense with the pep talks? - Stress is what GOT me here!'

"Don't cry for me, Argentina."

'That's the sign of a good painting!'

'Finally...my amazing journey aside, I'd like to take this opportunity to announce my lawn mowing and baby sitting service...'

Self-Help: 2015

"Snap out of it, Ray—it's just sex."

Pinocchio's Second Realization

'The way the eyes follow you is uncanny.'

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

'Half an optimist is an odd bird, Sarah.'

'Your salary will help you learn the lesson that life is not fair.'

"It's a Wonderful Life" if it was written by scientists.

"You will bargain away what little integrity you have left for what little job security you can gain."

"I'm not going to lie. It took a large speaker's fee to get me to say your future is bright."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

City Bar and Grill - "Stop worrying, youth and enthusiasm can't compete with experience and treachery."

"Could you spare some change for a guy fresh off welfare?"

Have you considered a career in travel brochures?

"I'm the bluebird of low expectations."

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

Woman talking romantically whilst man talks about measuring the scullery.

"I have a list of downsides I'd like you to develop into a list of upsides."