Retirement Realists Gifts

Social Security benefits are rising...But the system's runnin out of bread.

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Road Forks in the Road: No Way and Yes Way.

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

'Retirement is OK, but instead of looking forword to weekends, I'm working at McDonalds.'

Recession

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

Retirement Issues

"I quit."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

US Dollar weakens.

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

Squeezing a tight budget...

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

"Goodbye cruel world."

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

'The bad news is that the dollar is down -- the good news is that nobody seems to have any.'

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'