Retirement Realists Pillows

Social Security benefits are rising...But the system's runnin out of bread.

"Leaving parties aren't as much fun since they put up the retirement age!"

"OK. . .stain, aspirin, water tablet, B12 vitamin, and whisky."

Every so often, Madeline gets carried away.

"This is the World Bank? Somehow, I had pictured it differently."

"Son, the world is full of disappointments. About 7.7 billion of them."

'I'm going to have to give up drinking and drugs when I leave uni - to pay off my bank loan.'

Depressed Businessman at Office Christmas Party.

'But I do have fun. I have lots lots of fun. I have lots of fun making money.'

Vista Acres - A tanned community.

Recession

'Good news, Mr. Blume! Your condition isn't serious - just expensive.'

"Have you ever given any thought to what you're going to do after all your hopes and dreams are crushed?"

'Well, that's simplified the mission statement.'

"Financial Adviser advises client 'I advise you that you're broke'."

"I quit."

"Goodbye cruel world."

Randolph maintains a stiff upper lip while the rest of him just goes to hell.

Retirement Issues

"I'm the ghost of your future retirement."

US Dollar weakens.

'Our retirement program is that you can resign whenever you want to.'

Squeezing a tight budget...

'This is how our new no-risk pension scheme works.'

"Why did we wait to get recliners?"

'I re-invested what was left of my 401K into returnable pop cans. I figure by the time I retire I should have about three dollars.'

"You'll do laundry, you'll drink water...oh, and what's this? In the near future you'll clip your fingernails."

Old man fighting against time with an arm wrestle.

"You say that the best thing I could do for my health is to give up alcohol. Let's talk about the second best..."

'Look at my new overdraft its fantastic.'

'Judge Bush agreed to come out of retirement on a temporary basis.'

"Who would have thought retirement would be this much fun."

'The bad news is that the dollar is down -- the good news is that nobody seems to have any.'

"I know I'm getting old when one big fart throws my back out."

'That's not in addition to your pension, that IS your pension.'