Middle Age Milestone Gifts

"The cape comes off too."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

'Ecce homo!'

'Take ten years off the top.'

"Do you want anything? I'm going into the kitchen to forget what I went in there for."

"Relax. At your age, it's common to have a nose hare now and then."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Church Basement Foodie

Breast Height Chart

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Menopause and the City

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

Medication for the elderly

"This tiny bald spot where your hairline used to be is so-o-o cute!"

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

'They want your underwear.'

'When 900 years you reach, retire, you will not.'

'Take this drug...you'll be ten years younger.'

Women

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour