Midlife Milestone Gifts

How to injury yourself as an adult

"Nothing serious, Bob - just a case of the forties."

A Visit From the Jowl Fairy

'Stop it Irene...you are not a spring chicken.'

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"I've reached that age where everyday I wake up wishing I wasn't this age."

Middle Age: When the four letter word you use most is 'What?'

"My name is Jane and I've been forty-six for 30 days."

"I don't think she's this happy to be turning fifty."

"Channel surfing just doesn't thrill me like it used to!"

'She says her wrinkles are laughter lines, but nothing is that funny!'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'I suppose they call it 'Middle age' because that is where you age shows...'

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

"I must be going through a mid-life crisis. I only chase sports cars!"

"Now, that's more LIKE it!"

"It's a deal: Two more years, then we let ourselves go."

No, it does still fit! This is exactly how it fit in college.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

Undiagnosed middle-age-onset discomfort summer tour

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Church Basement Foodie

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

Rock and Roll

"I'm here for the hair."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.