Midlife Celebration Gifts

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Tragedy and Remedy.

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'Don't worry, fifty something is the new thirty something.'

Rock and Roll

Funky at 50!

Fables for the Middle-Aged: Goldilocks and the 3 Hairs.

'She's not 'pushing 40' - she's 'dragging' it!'

'But my mom says that 40 is the new 30.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"The club scene is really changing."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"I need something that says, 'Let's party,' but in a fiscally responsible manner."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

Male Pattern Baldness

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!