Midlife Gifts

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

"Ha! I switched my socks to my underwear drawer and my underwear to my sock drawer...sometimes you have to live on the edge, Cynthia!"

'Relax, at our age there's nothing unusual about getting crow's feet.'

'Got to rush... It's my sell-by date!'

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

The Sullen 40-To-54-Year-Old Demographic

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

I need to get rid of all these mattresses if I'm going to get up to use the bathroom 4 times a night. Middle-Age Fairy Tales: The Princess & the

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

Menopause

"This next one's for you, babe."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Middle-Age Superheroes

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

"I'm here for the hair."

Rock and Roll

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"You used to be that ambitious."

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."