Midlife Pillows

'No pep, shaky, noisy, overheating. Right. Anything wrong with the car?'

"Ha! I switched my socks to my underwear drawer and my underwear to my sock drawer...sometimes you have to live on the edge, Cynthia!"

'Relax, at our age there's nothing unusual about getting crow's feet.'

'Got to rush... It's my sell-by date!'

'I'm not that concerned about my prostate ... I'm still trying to survive my wife's menopause.'

The Sullen 40-To-54-Year-Old Demographic

"I'm living proof that life begins at forty-three."

"In layman's terms, I just rewound your biological clock."

Menopause

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

'You've still got the right stuff, only now it's in the wrong places.'

Rock and Roll

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."