Midlife Milestones Pillows

"Number 48, "Gents wig, natural look"..."

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I used to spring forward. Now all I can do is fall back.'

Church Basement Foodie

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Rock and Roll

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

"I'm here for the hair."

"You're crappin' in the closet again, Claude."

"The third little pig is now a menopausal porker. I hate these hairs on my chinny chin chin."

"Enjoy yourself while you can because before you know it, you've surpassed your 'Best Used By' date."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

The best way to prevent sagging is to keep eating until the wrinkles fall out.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"The cape comes off too."

Medication for the elderly

Male Pattern Baldness

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

'Tell the doctor to hurry. It's an emergency. I just turned middle aged!'

Middle Age: When rolling out of bed is easy, but getting up off the floor isn't!

You know you're getting older: when your back goes out more often than you do!

"You've come to a fork in the road – age-defying or age-appropriate?"

Menopause and the City

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"Put it under your pillow, and maybe you'll get a visit from the hair fairy."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"At my age, your legs and bowels begin to go."

"Day 19,918: Once again, Gary cannot believe he's still alive."