Midlife Transition Pillows

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"I'm going to need a hug, Maurice - it's from the A.A.R.P."

"Too bad hair doesn't weigh a lot, because that seems to be the only thing I'm losing."

Middle age anxiety about leaving the house.

"I'm here for the hair."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Things have been tough. Carol is going through the change."

"I'm having these weird dreams about medical professionals delivering babies. . ."

A Watershed Mid-Life Moment: Discovering "Relaxed-Fit" Jeans.

"They say that life begins at 40 - but so do lumbago, failing hearing, poor eyesight and constantly repeating yourself! They say..."

'It's a midlife crisis - he doesn't know anyone with a vacation home that he can mooch off.'

'Edward's at that awkward age.'

'I can't prescribe anything for his midlife crisis but I know a high school principal who'll scare him out of it.'

A Classicist Considers Taking Up The Mambo

Autos. New. Used. I provide a video game console with each of these cars so later the buyer can move from their mid-life crisis right into their second childhood.

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

Menopause and the City

"You look good, Al, in a midlife-crisis-y sort of way."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

ZZZZZZZ Top

Middle-Age Superheroes

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"