Midlife Transformation Pillows

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"I used to be a real goody two-shoes. Now I'm more of a screw you-shoes."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

'We still like you and all, but ever since you came out of that cocoon. . . I don't know, man. You've changed. . . You've changed.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"I'm here for the hair."

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Where Are They Now?'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."