Midlife Transformation Gifts

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

"I used to be a real goody two-shoes. Now I'm more of a screw you-shoes."

"Don't worry about being in your 40's - before you know it, you'll be in your 50's!"

'We still like you and all, but ever since you came out of that cocoon. . . I don't know, man. You've changed. . . You've changed.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Middle-Age Superheroes

ZZZZZZZ Top

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I’ve settled comfortably into middle-age while Barry has settled comfortably into Middle Earth."

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

'I refuse to relinquish the title, 'Top Young Exec'.'

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"I'm here for the hair."

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

"You used to be that ambitious."

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Where Are They Now?'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

"This old bike of mine has sure lost some if its speed over the years."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."