Midlife Awakening Gifts

"Give her a few minutes, she just realized she's reached the age when you get excited by things like air fryers."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

Middle-Age Superheroes

ZZZZZZZ Top

'It's perfectly normal for middle-aged men to put on a little weight.'

"I had that nightmare again where everyone found out I'm in my late thirties and still have no idea how the stock market works."

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

'I'm even starting to watch Lifetime.'

"Oh, please. Lord, no ... I'm only 50! No, please – anything but reading glasses!"

"Faster! Middle age is gaining on you!"

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"I'm here for the hair."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

Fountain of Youth/Fountain of Bacon

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Where Are They Now?'

"Whenever it comes, Glenda, my death will be untimely."

"Can he call you back? He and his mid-life crisis are celebrating their tenth anniversary."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Double whammy. My weight now exceeds my credit score."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Remember that, honey? Serious testosterone."

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."