Midlife Introspection Gifts

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"Let me ask you a man-to-man question, Randy, asterisk." "Shoot." "Let's say you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you notice your first gray hair." "Would it be manlier to immediately pluck it out and pretend it never happened, or would it be manlier to tell yourself it's actually blond?" "Armstrong, avoiding the truth is never manl... wait... 'asterisk'?" "(Asterisk) By answering my question you enter into a binding non-disclosure agreement."

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Micro Psychiatry Clinic. You have a full schedule today, Doctor. The helium atom will be here to work on his fear of heights. The white blood cell with a germ phobia and amoeba with separation anxiety are coming in. The DNA molecule will be here about an identity crisis. And here, in the sports car, comes a new patient, a carbon-14 isotope. Ah, looks like he's going through a half-life crisis!

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Where Are They Now?'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Midlife: You Are Here.

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"