Midlife Introspection Pillows

"Let me ask you a man-to-man question, Randy, asterisk." "Shoot." "Let's say you wake up, you look in the mirror, and you notice your first gray hair." "Would it be manlier to immediately pluck it out and pretend it never happened, or would it be manlier to tell yourself it's actually blond?" "Armstrong, avoiding the truth is never manl... wait... 'asterisk'?" "(Asterisk) By answering my question you enter into a binding non-disclosure agreement."

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"Follow that dream!" (man boarding taxi)

"Colin kept the bar fairly low."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

'Where Are They Now?'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

"I've come to stage in my life-cycle where just landing on stuff isn't good enough anymore."

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself