Midlife Contemplation Gifts

"I realize that each day is a gift. Now it's just a matter of figuring out how to exchange fourteen thousand six hundred of them."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Where Are They Now?'

"You used to be that ambitious."

'I've used up all my eligibilities'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

Midlife: You Are Here.

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Sometimes I think about getting away from all this and get a job as a cab driver in New York city...'

"Remember back when we were just larva and didn't have a care in the world?"

Realizing that his youth was now behind him, Mr. Twigly left home at the sight of his first gray hare.

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

Been there. Done that. (Man stands between two doors.)

"You should do something brilliant, before it's too late."

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

"My salad days have all turned to coleslaw..."

Phil at Fifty: Still Trying to Find Himself

"Still getting those hot flashes, Margaret?"

'Since we've been married thirty years, Lester, I think it's time to face up to the fact that we've been seeing too much of each other.'

'It's quite common with men your age. You've got a silver duct tapeworm.'

"Yesterday I got in touch with a childhood friend!"