Midlife Meditations Gifts

"Look at us... We're 45 years old and we've made it. Great family, fantastic job, fancy cars, vacation trips... What's left for us? Only the boozing."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

ZZZZZZZ Top

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"I'm here for the hair."

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

'Where Are They Now?'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

"You used to be that ambitious."

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

Midlife: You Are Here.

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Menopause and the City

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"It seems like only yesterday I was on the verge of getting it all together."

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'