Midlife Meditations Gifts

"Look at us... We're 45 years old and we've made it. Great family, fantastic job, fancy cars, vacation trips... What's left for us? Only the boozing."

A man sprays his bald head with "Spray Hair" to make it seem as thought he has hair.

'See? You call my look 'a midlife crisis' but for these guys it's a major TV series.'

Corporate departments as a metaphor for growing up.

Middle Age: When you finally get your head together, and your body starts to fall apart!

"WOW, we're on top of the world!"

"I'm here for the hair."

"Good news, honey - seventy is the new fifty."

"Look! A dying brain cell! Maybe we should help!...."

"This car is very fast and very expensive. Just how bad is your midlife crisis?"

"You used to be that ambitious."

'Where Are They Now?'

We micro-grafted all the hairs from the back of your head to the top and now we've completely covered your bald spot.'

'Take a good look, Junior. When I was your age, I was 'Fun Size,' too.'

"I'm 59 and they say I'm middle aged. Just how many people do you know who are 118?"

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'Push'n 50, but ya still got it!!'

'Here's your chance to become a legend.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

"Mirror, mirror, on the wall, go to hell."

'Let's face it George: we're not spring chickens anymore...'

Midlife: You Are Here.

'Is that all you can do Just sitting there watching your old movies'

"My once perky chicken breasts hang like flapjacks, I don't lay eggs anymore, I'm burning up with hot flashes, I'm...."

"Just when I’ve reconciled the fact that I’m in my 40s, my 50th birthday shows up."

"Wasn't I lovely then eh, Tiddles?"

"The nest may be empty, but our drinks are full."

"I'm so sorry that I screamed...I had a terrible dream: the kids had to leave college and live with us again...Oh, Ed, it was horrible!"

"From Zero To Sixty In What Seems Like Eight Seconds Flat."

Getting older is...making noises whenever you bend down or get back up.

This is what Fred gets for wishing for more hair.

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'Brother, the Lord takes a very dim view of the comb-over.'

"I see myself rising through the ranks of the organization until midlife, when I will most likely hit a wall and go screaming through the door."